Skip to main content

Full text of "La Vie Collegienne: Lebanon Valley College Student Newspaper (March 28, 2012)"

See other formats


I 



THIS WEEK ON VIDEOS DON'T WORK WELL IN 

LA VIE ONLINE |™™ " ULDN ' T FIT 

ttp://lavieonline.lvc.edu STUFF WE FOR 




LEBANON VALLEY COLLEGE'S STUDENT NEWSPAPER 

Huf) Vtt Colleegteann 



Volume 79, No. 17 

IF YOU ACTUALLY READ 

LA VIE 

Features 




Concert choir sings in Mund for 
three days straight as revenge 
for missed Dutchman Day 



Page 4 



Perspectives 




Angry student demands on- 
campus Starbucks 



A&E 



Page 6 




Art professor wins award for 
marshmallow Peep sculpture 



Page 5 

Index 

News 1-3 

Features 4 

Arts & Entertainment 5 

Perspectives 6 

Sports 7 

Actual News 8 



M B E R 

"PENNSYLVANIA 

Newspaper 



A Happy Publication | Founded 1776 



Campus squirrel chosen as 
new LVC president 



J.R. Whopper' 14 

Staff Writer 

The Presidential Search 
Committee has chosen the 
successor to President Stephen 
C. MacDonald. After a yearlong 
search^ the grueling process 
has come to an end. The head 
of the committee decided to 
take an unusual approach to the 
search, announcing Michael Q_ 
Squirrelton, the official campus 
squirrel, as President of the 
college. 

"We felt Squirrelton could 
provide a nutty outlook on the 
college and its students/' said the 
Head of the Presidential Search 
Committee. 

Not only is the faculty in 
full support of the committees 
decision, but the students as well. 

"I look forward to the changes 

See PRESIDENT | Page 2 




J. R. Whopper 

PRESIDENT ANNOUNCED President Michael Squirrelton will begin his term this 
coming fall semester. Squirrelton has previously held the position of official campus 
squirrel for the past eight years giving him the necessary qualifications for presidency. 
He looks forward to a successful term. 



Tuition increase to fund Mund deconstruction 



Mike Raphone '14 

Staff Writer 

It is getting towards the end of 
the semester, and many students 
have already received letters 
from the administration stating 
why and how far the tuition 
will increase for next semester. 
But what these letters failed to 
mention, as the decision was 
made after the letters were sent 
out, is that while some of the 
tuition increase will be devoted 
to building the Astroturf field 
and other projects around 
campus a good size portion of 



WE WANT YOUR FEEDBACK 



that money will be contributed 
to the deconstruction of Mund. 
So now that the campus has 
finally arrived at the glorious 
completion of the year and a half, 
almost two year, long project 
that was Mund College Center it 
will also see the deconstruction 
of that project within that same 
year. 

Tuition fees, which jumped 
significantly in years past in order 
to fund the 13.3 billion dollar 
project will again take a turn for 
the expensive in the 2012-2013 
school year in order to fund the 
deconstruction of the project. 



"It was just so expensive to 
complete, and it was such a waste 
of space," says Greg Krikorian, 
Vice President for Student Affairs 
at Lebanon Valley College, "I 
mean there are whole rooms in 
the basement of Mund that are 
not even being used anymore." 
Krikorian and other administrators 
are putting into motion plans to 
return the college center to its 
original state. "If it ain't broke don't 
fix it, you know? I'm not entirely 
sure why we started on this whole 
mess," states Krikorian. 

See MUND | Page 2 



^^^^h March 28, 2012 

Trash can 
marauder 
apprehended 

Archibald Lemmiwinks '14 

Staff Writer 

Over the weekend, the 
infamous perpetrator causing 
trash cans to be knocked over on 
Saturday nights across campus 
was apprehended by public 
safety. 

The individual has caused 
significant monetary damage 
through their sporadic weekend 
actions, as well as ruined the 
campus scenery. They have 
caused headaches for grounds 
crew members in cleaning up the 
mess as well. The apprehension 
has come to much relief to 
students and faculty alike. 

When speaking to an 
admission's member it was said, 
"The individual has caused 
significant issues in our tour 
process. We have been afraid 
to give Sunday tours for almost 
the whole year since we could 
not risk showing the campus 
looking like a junk yard. We 
would either have to totally 
alter the tour routes causing 
the prospective students to 
miss much of the campus, or 
risk the student thinking LVC 
is Rutgers-Camden in disguise. 
It has caused issues for people 
who wished to visit campus but 
could only do so on Sundays." 

Public Safety finally caught 
the culprit through a successful 
stakeout of the residential area 
over the weekend. 

"We finally realized that the 
student does this practically 
every weekend, so if we just 

See MARAUDER | Page 3 





2 Luh Vee Cqlleegieann March 28, 2012 



New; 



PRESIDENT: Squirrelton to take office beginning of new semester 



Continued from Page 1 

that President Squirrelton 
will bring to the college/' said 
sophomore Eliott Bonds. "I think 
having a squirrel as President will 
be an interesting experience for 
both the students and faculty/' 

Squirrelton hopes to bring many 
changes to the campus. One of the 
biggest changes to the campus will 
be improving the health of the 
students by conducting annual 
vaccinations for rabies and tests for 
nut allergies. Any student found to 
be allergic to nuts must volunteer 
as test subjects in the biology 
department to help find a cure. 



Some other minor changes that 
Squirrelton hopes to introduce to 
the college are the installation of 
nut dispensers around campus, 
as well as a playground for other 
campus squirrels in the Peace 
Garden. 

Another change to be made 
to the campus will include the 
construction of crosswalks across 
Sheridan Ave. for other campus 
creatures. Squirrelton's biggest 
change to the campus will be 
converting the gold lot into a 
petting zoo. 

Squirrelton also hopes to 
make changes to the colleges 
curriculum. Squirrelton looks 



forward to a new Veterinarian 
concentration within the Biology 
department. He has also proposed 
a new first year seminar class based 
on earth studies and promoting 
green initiatives. Green Man and 
Enviro-Boy are strong supporters 
of President Squirrelton. 

"My mission as President of the 
college will be to strengthen the 
relationship between the students 
on campus and the environment 
that surrounds them/' said 
President Michael Q. Squirrelton. 



J. WHOPPER 



lavie(o)lvc.edu 



ValleyFest act replaced with Selena Gomez 



W.Hazup 14 

Staff Writer 

The rumors are true; our 
ValleyFest entertainment has 
been upgraded. After Secondhand 
Serenade somehow got on 
everyone's last nerves before 
March even ended, the ValleyFest 
committee decided to take action. 
Reviewing the options that they 
began with, they realized that 
selecting a brand new act seemed to 
be the only intelligent path. Instead 
of fairly talented soloist who can 
actually play his own instruments 
and sing rather well, LVC has hired 
the one and only Selena Gomez 
to be the headliner at the 2012 
ValleyFest Celebration! 

I know what you re thinking: 
how could little Lebanon Valley 
College possibly afford to house 
such a prestigious vocalist in 
the music industry? Believe it 
or not, young Selena agreed to 
perform for a discounted price 
of only $500k, so our yearly 
tuition will only go up about 
one or two thousand dollars 
each. Who could have guessed 
that such an artist would be so 
humble! 

It doesn't get much better 
than this, my fellow Annvillians ! 
But wait, there's more! IVe had 
the intense pleasure of holding 
an exclusive interview with 
Miss Gomez about her plans 
for ValleyFest and her future 
career. Dont bother sitting 
down because you 11 just be 



on the edge of your seat as you 
read her graceful eloquence 
and her enthusiastic insight to 
the music business: 

LaVie: Thank you so much 
for being here today! How was 
the ride up to little Annville, 
PA? 

Gomez: Uhm. It was good 
and stuff"! The cows were like 
so cute! 

L: Way to be relevant! Are 
you excited about playing 
ValleyFest? 

G: Omg, I'm so excited. Its 
kinda awesome. 

L: Ah. Riveting. Well, where 
do you see yourself going with 
your music? 

G: Well I'm a total dork, 
I go to the mall all the time, 
and I'm still a regular teenager 
so it s like, I still get to like, be 
that, but I get to like, record 
and stuff with music, so I'm 
still like a regular teenager, 
but like, I get to do really cool 
things and have like really cool 
experiences. 

L: Right, so where do you 
see yourself going with your 
music? 

G: I don t know! I just want 
to have fun cause girls just want 
to have fun and like, I'm still a 
teenager so I'm gonna write my 
own songs and have my own 
videos and just have fun! 

L: Alright. Well how do 



you feel about bumping 
Secondhand Serenade off the 
ValleyFest program? 
G:Who? 

L: Ok, well it was great 
having you here. I'm sure all 
the students at LVC can t wait 
to hear you perform for us in a 
few weeks. 

G: Omg thanks! Thats so 
funny! 

L: Ok. Take care. 

Wow What a visionary; a 
genius. How did great bands 
like Nirvana and Green Day 
ever make it in the industry 
without her revolutionary 
insight? 

Well, we hope everyone is 
pleased with the new act for 
ValleyFest. Be sure to attend 
Selena Gomez LVC debut, she 
has certainly traveled so far. 
ValleyFest is April 20-21, so 
mark your calendar now, and 
be sure to get tickets as soon as 
possible; they WILL sell out. 
If you want more information 
about Selena Gomez go to 
selenagomez.com and for 
more information about this 
years ValleyFest, go to lvc. 
edu/valleyfest. This will be a 
landmark year for Lebanon 
Valley College, so be sure to 
invite your friends and family. 



W. HAZUP lavie(o)lvc.edu 



All information courtesy of the Wizard ofOz 

********************************************** 



3-22-12 | Blair 

Vandalism 

As a result of a drunken brawl, several instruments in Blair were destroyed 
over the weekend. Unfortunately, LVC will not be able to cover the dam- 
ages, and the culprits have not yet been identified. 

3-25-12 | Funkhouser 

Incident 

Students are advised not to drink out of the water fountains in Funkhous- 
er. Traces of urine have been found within the system. Experts are inves- 
tigating the issue, but the exact cause is unknown. Everything should be 
cleared up within a week. 

3-25-12 | Dellinger 

Incident 

Minor explosion in student apartment due to improper use of toaster. It is 
believed that the student tried to bake a potato using the toaster. 

3-17-12 | Social Quad 

Emergency Assistance 

Student mauled by rabid pack of squirrels. Student flown to Hershey Medi- 
cal Center with minor injuries. 

Please report any suspicious activity to Public Safety at x61 11. 



Corrections & Clarifications 

It is our continuing goal to provide readers with complete and ac- 
curate information. To that end, please be kind. Some corrections 
may hurt the feelings of our staff. Readers who wish to submit cor- 
rections should send an email to lavie(o)lvc.edu, subject line: Cor- 
rections. Please do so at your own risk. 



MUND: Renovations retooled 



Continued from Page 1 

Students, however, are 
up in arms about these new 
developments. "I thought 
tuition was expensive last year," 
complains one anonymous 
student, "but $34,470 is 
ridiculous! Why should we have 
to pay for the fickleness of the 
administration?" 

Commuter students are even 
more outraged by the prospect of 
the tuition increase. "We are the 
ones that really suffered during 
this whole process. Without the 
college center there really are 
very few places we can go. Not 



to mention the little hovel they 
like to call a commuter lounge 
in the basement of Mund hasn't 
gotten any better. It is still the 
same dank, smelly, ill-furnished 
room that it has always been 
and yet we still have to pay for 
these changes?" said one angry 
commuter student. 

It seems people here are of 
two minds about this topic of 
change on campus, and if they 
don't start communicating 
soon, much more than just the 
deconstruction of a building 
may be taking place here. 

M. RAPHONE lavie(o)lvc.edu 



Luh Vee Colleegieann March 28, 2012 3 



NEW! 



MARAUDER: Saturday night campus can caper canned 



Continued from Page 1 

simply stakeout at night 
around a couple of trash cans, 
we could catch them in one 
operation/' a public safety 
officer commented. The officer 
also stated their plan was called 
'Operation Nighthawk.' 

However, the name of the 
perpetrator of the trash can 
incidents will not be given out 
by the administration, over fear 
that significant harm might 
come to the person. This is due 
to retaliatory actions of campus 
members who may wish to turn 
the person into a weekend trash 
can by "knocking them over and 
spilling their contents across 
the pavement/' 

Exclusive access to interview 
the individual was given to 
the paper under conditions of 
anonymity. 

When asked why the person 
did it, the individual's response 
was, "I have massive personality 
issues. I have major ego 
problems and think very little 
of myself. That's why I knock 
over trash cans, to make myself 



feel better," he said. "I get drunk 
on weekends to drown out 
my pitiful sorrows and then 
to impress my friends and to 
show off how strong I am to the 
opposite sex, I use my muscles 
to knock over trash cans." 

When asked whether 
the person considers the 
issues that are caused by his 
actions, the surprisingly open 
responses continued with, 
"Yeah, sometimes. But it just 
seems cooler since I consider 
it awesome since most of the 
campus didn't know who it 
was," he said. "Also, I liked how 
hard it made me seem to my 
friends since I was being such 
a problem and people couldn't 
do anything about it. What 
can I say; I'm just a kid from 
the suburbs trying to show 
how tough I am to my friends. 
Sometimes I dream at night and 
pretend I grew up in Compton 
or Inglewood in the 80's. I just 
wasn't hugged enough as a child 
I guess." 

After the administration 
was asked about what 
punishment was being given 



out, "The individual is being 
suspended for a few weeks, 
fined $2,500, and being made 
to do community service 
hours during the suspension 
if remittance is wished by the 
student." 

"We didn't want to expel the 
individual, since we thought 
the person was obviously 
not emotionally stable and 
thought if expulsion occurred 
the person's reaction could 
not be predicated," said the 
administrator. 

When asked where the 
community service would occur 
and how long it would be in 
duration, the administration 
representative informed, 
"200 hours will be expected 
at minimum to be readmitted 
to campus. The hours will be 
done in inner city Camden. We 
figured it would show to the 
'little badass' just how hard the 
person really is." 

Score 1 for the administration, 
and for the attention seeking 
college student. 

A. LEMMIWINKS lavie(a)lvc.edu 




HACC gives me 

a smarter 
summer. 



i — 

-D 

% 

<4 



HACC 



Founded 
in 1964 



Take day, evening or online classes at HACC 
and pick up extra credits for less cost. 

FIRST SUMMER SESSION 

6 and 12 week sessions begin May 21 
8 week session begins June 18 

SECOND SUMMER SESSION 

6 week session begins July 2 

www.hacc.edu 



Harrisburg One HACC Drive 780.2400 | Gettysburg 337.3855 | Lancaster 293.5000 
Lebanon 270.4222 | York 718.0328 | Virtual Campus 221.1300 ext 1510 

HACC does not discriminate in admission or employment on the basis of race, color, religion, political affiliation or belief, age, sex, 
national origin, ancestry, non-job-related disability, place of birth, General Education Development Certificate (GED), marital status, 
sexual orientation, or veteran status. 



FDR MORE INFORMATION VISIT US RT WWW.HRCC.EDU/SUMMER 



Strange Bedfellows 

How politics is affecting 
contraception and ultrasounds 



Anita Summore '14 

Staff Writer 

On March 20, Idaho's 
Republican dominated senate 
voted 23 to 12 in favor of a bill 
"requiring women to undergo 
a fetal ultrasound before 
terminating a pregnancy/ 
according to a news briefing by 
the Associated Press. 

This bill would also require 
Idaho's Department of Health 
and Welfare "to make available 
a list of places in Idaho, typically 
anti-abortion health care 
centers, where those considering 
an abortion could get a free 
ultrasound" and "submit to a 
second ultrasound" if they were 
opting for abortion. 

Idaho has since joined a 
number of states that have 
passed or supported transvaginal 
ultrasounds as a means of 
reducing unwanted pregnancies 
and, some say, abortions. 

In Texas, Governor Rick 
Perry supported a bill that would 
require a woman seeking an 
abortion to have an ultrasound 
probe inserted in her vagina, 
observe the fetus and listen to 
its heartbeat, sign an agreement 
with the doctor acknowledging 
that she understood the doctor's 
lecture on the fetus, and then 
return the next day to have her 
abortion. This bill has since been 
enacted. 

Meanwhile, in Virginia, 
Governor Bob McDowell 
dropped his support for a bill 
that would define personhood 
at conception and require 
women seeking an abortion 
to undergo "a more physically 
invasive transvaginal ultrasound 
in the cases of early pregnancy." 
Virginia's senators have since 
changed the personhood act, 
as it's called, so that it would 
"require an external abdominal 
ultrasound instead of the 
more invasive transvaginal 
procedure" and "women would 
be free to decline" the doctor's 
suggestion for the more invasive 
method. However, debates on 
the personhood act have been 
suspended for at least a year. 



Foster Friess, a millionaire 
who contributes to the Red, 
White, and Blue Fund supporting 
Rick Santorum's candidacy, has 
since offered a simpler method 
of contraception that would cost 
much less than the ultrasound 
procedures mentioned above. 

"Back in my days, they used 
Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. 
The gals put it between their 
knees and it wasn't that costly," 
Friess said on MSNBC's Andrea 
Mitchell Reports back in February. 

Friess's comment shocked 
not only Andrea Mitchell but a 
number of LVC students as well. 

"Who does he think he is, 
telling us what we can do with 
our bodies?" said a student who 
asked to remain anonymous. 
"What was he, like 70? Next he's 
going to tell us that he used to 
walk 7 miles through the snow 
to get school, and it was uphill 
both ways!" Friess'sextensive 
contraceptive plan will probably 
not be enacted soon, as he has 
not yet told reporters what pills 
men should be putting between 
their legs. 

Rick Santorum has also stated 
that he is "not a believer in birth 
control." "It's [Contraception's] 
not okay because it's a license 
to do things in the sexual realm 
that is counter to how things 
are supposed to be. They're 
supposed to be for purposes 
that are, yes, conjugal,... but also 
procreative," Santorum said in 
a recent interview. Santorum 
has previously expressed similar 
views about contraception. 

During a 2006 interview, 
he "went on to say that it's not 
just a moral sense, but a public 
policy issue, too, indicating 
the government has a role in 
contraception policy." 

Analysts believe that Rick 
Santorum has interpreted the old 
truism, "Politics makes strange 
bedfellows," to mean, "The 
government shouldn't interfere 
in any part of our lives except for 
our beds." 

That may be a policy none of 
us would want to back. 



A. SUMMORE 



lavie(o)lvc.edu 



4 Luh Vee Colleegieann March 28, 2012 



Features 




PHOTO OFTHE WEEK 



Schroeder Freude '50; was a music major and accomplished pianist at 
LVC. After spending some time at Juilliard, he went on a nationwide concert 
tour that was sold out in every city it stopped except Cleveland. Soon after, 
however, he fell upon hard times. Like his hero, Beethoven, he experienced 
severe hearing loss in both ears, much to the chagrin of his wife, with whom 
he recently divorced. 

1. Could you describe how your life has changed after graduating from LVC? 

I toured the country performing with several orchestras, but developed 
chronic carpal tunnel after a few months. I was unable to play for about a 
year and this made me rather blue. I went to a psychologist to discuss my 
problems and ended up marrying her. For her it was a conflict of interest; for 
me it was a lack of foresight. I should have just talked to Chuck." 

2. Who is your current employer and how did your major prepare you for 
your specific job? 

"Currently, I am unemployed. I gave most of my money to my alma ma- 
ter - I think they used those funds to build Mund. My education certainly 
helped me with my time performing; hopefully, 111 be back out there soon." 

3. What experience(s) do your remember most from your college days? 

"I remember spending long hours practicing, my time in sculpting class, 
and playing catcher for the baseball team." 

4. If you had one regret (something you did or didn't do) from your LVC 
experience, what would that be? 

"I wish I would have listened to my professors more; however, they ; 
sounded the same to me." 




BRO\ 



lavie(S)lvc.edu 



Fabio Jones/LAVIE 

WHERE DID IT GO? This box, labeled "Police Box," appeared on 
Sunday, March 25 in front of North College. Students returning 
from choir tour noticed the foreign object and immediately con- 
tacted Public Safety, but when they returned, the box was gone. 
Students are left to wonder where it came from and where it went. 



Several beloved professors announce retirement plans 



Nick Alodean '15 

La Vie Staff Writer 

It turns out that rumors of a mass 
retiring of professors are true. Dr. 
Mecham, Music department chair, 
; Dr. Rudd, Business department 
chair;, Dr. Grieve- Carlson, English 
professor; and Dr. Samuel, Digital 
Communications professor have 
all announced their retirement to 
La Vie. 

Dr. Mecham has decided to 
return to New Zealand, where he 
plans to help tend their 40 million 
sheep. "I was lucky enough to lead 
the LVC semester-abroad program 
to the University of Waikato 
in Hamilton NZ in 2004," said 
Mecham. "Its time to go back to 
that island paradise, joining former 
chemistry department chair, Dick 



Cornelius, in Welcome Bay, just 
outside of Tauranga. Kia ora." 
Despite his love for LVC, he can no 
longer hold himself back from his 
even larger love for New Zealand. 

Dr. Rudds reasons for 
retirement are more political than 
personal, choosing to resurrect 
a third party movement for the 
Presidency. "It has come time for 
me to finally accomplish my dream 
of becoming the Straight Talking 
American Government Party (the 
STAG party) nominee for the next 
presidential election." 

This is the same STAG party 
that comedian Pat Paulson from 
the Smothers Brothers, the 
Monkees television show and 
others. Paulson ran for President 
in 1968, 1972, 1976 and other 
occasions. 



Dr. Grieve- Carlson is retiring to 
pursue Fantasy Baseball full-time. 
"I've found that by committing 
myself to baseball statistics, I can 
regularly finish in the money in 
most fantasy baseball leagues, and 
I believe that by doing Fantasy 
Baseball full-time HI actually earn 
quite a bit more money than I earn 
teaching English at LVC, so Til be 
better able to pay for the college 
educations for my three children. 
And what would be more enjoyable 
than sitting down every morning 
with a pot of coffee and simply 
reading baseball boxscores?" He 
looks forward to his pending 
greatness in the Fantasy Baseball 
field and hopes to make his family 
proud. "That's what makes this 
country great: that on the basis of 
a knowledge of baseball boxscores, 



a man or woman can rise above the 
level of economic success attained 
by his or her parents and create an 
enduring legacy of greatness." 

Dr. Samuel is also retiring to 
finally achieve a personal dream. 
After years of trying, he and his 
band the "3-2-5s" have finally 
landed a record deal and are going 
to begin touring soon. "I have 
enjoyed my time at LVC, but the 
stage is finally calling my name. I 
hope to be a good model for LVC 
students in showing that anybody 
can accomplish their dreams no 
matter what they are/' said Samuel. 

Good luck to each of you and 
don t forget your time at LVC. You 
will surely be missed in the 2012- 
2013 year and even after that. 



Overheard in the 
La Vie Office: 



Aside from the fact that 
the background image on 
both of our Dell computers 
is a picture of Steve Jobs, 
the first thing that people 
notice when they walk into 
our office is the infamou 
quote wall. 



vv When the best headline yo 
can come up with at 12:46 
AM for a story about a flood 
is x It was a dark and storm 
night/ it's time to go to bed. 
-Rosemary 

x Tm okay with some peopl 
hating me." -Justin 

"Caption: A group c 
protestors stand outside of ■ 
building."-Russell 

u What are we going to d 
with the white space on pag 
two? vv -Rosemary 
"Well, Steve Jobs just died 
let's put his picture there. 
-Justin 

On empathy story: u Mayb« 
the irony is that we don't care 
enough to read it." -Rosemary 



; 



"Bad Headline: Art class 
supports genocide." -Justin 



U I know a lot 
people." -Amy 



of fictiona 



"Come to the meeting ever 
week... FOOLS." -Roger 



"We ran that story las 

week."-Rosemary 

"We were selfish !"-Justin 

"Roger made a James Bon 
reference in his story, so h 
wins the awesome award fo 
the week." -Rosemary 

"If I'm dead on the floor when 
you come back, I actually read 
the story. vv -Justin 



N. ALODEAN 



lavie(S)lvc.edu 



"Just so you know, you jus 
changed the color scheme o 
a page to match the beer cups 
in the movie poster on A&E." 
-Rosemary 

(*singing*): "Article text 
article text! Where did all ot 
this article text come from?" 
-Russell 



Luh Vee Colleegieann March 28, 2012 5 



flrts&6nt£rtainm£nt 



a 



Tebowmania" hits Broadway this fall, show sold out 



PepT.OBismoi/13 

Staff Writer 

In director Rex Ryan's new 
project; "Tebowmania, Part Deux: 
Timothy Converts New Jersey" 
many of the actors seem to be 
unaware of much of the script - and 
of any form of decent acting. The 
premise seems simple: a young, 
god-fearing quarterback leaves 
Colorado for New Jersey after being 
supplanted by a football demi-god. 
Along the way, he must deal with 
the spotlight of New York and the 
absence of a decent running game. 
His coach also swears a lot - of 
which he notably never partakes - to 
which he is forced to reply: "I've had 
so much respect for Coach Ryan. ... 
You're not going to have the cleanest 
language in a locker room, so I'm not 
too worried about that." 

The lead, Tim Tebow (who is 
played by himself), is simply a good 
guy. He is so annoyingly decent 
that even the guy he replaces once 
arriving in the Big Apple, Drew 
Stanton, can t even seem to hate him. 
(Stanton is later traded to Cleveland 
for cash considerations.) 



Mark Sanchez, the incumbent 
starter, while convincing in his scenes 
where he looks over his shoulder 
- and later when he looks moody 
while sitting on the bench - fails 
to capture the audiences attention 
while attempting to actually play the 
position. Instead, his performance 
seems laughable, with his only 
credible actions coming during 
(ironically) play-action or while 
handing the ball off. 

Tebows motions could also be 
described as "truncated" or "robotic" 
as the production begins. As the 
show develops, however, he becomes 
the saving grace of the otherwise 
depressing play. 

The final act is flush with 
dramatic scenes that highlight the 
passer-proselytes progression as 
both a quarterback and city hero. 

In one scene, Tebow faces 
the man who drafted him, Josh 
McDaniels, when the Jets meet the 
rival Patriots in a game of heated, 
disputable calls and clutch, well- 
lighted plays. 

Tebow is prosaic and tepid 
until the fourth act; the lighting is 
amplified at this point, and that's 



FAMILY 
HEALTH 

SttVlQBS 



FREE or low cost reproductive 
health care for males & females. 

Including birth control, STD testing 
and treatment^ pregnancy testing, 
pap tests and more! 

273-6741 

615 Cumberland Sl Lebanon 

www. lebati on/am ifyh ealrh* o rg 
Search for us &n MySpace & Facebookf 



when the quarterback steps to center 
stage. 

Tm just trying to help the team 
win/' Tebow says. 

By the third act (the third quarter 
of the Jets season-opener), Sanchez 
is thoroughly nonplussed, both 
by the playbook and the crowds 
continued chants of "we want 
Tebow" In one scene, he dissolves 
into believable tears as the curtain 
closes and the lights dim. 

Despite all this, many of the 
players reneged on reading the 
playbook. In act one, cornerback 
Antonio Cromartie tweets, "Y bring 
Tebow in when we need to bring in 
more Weapons for (a)Mark_Sanchez 
let's build the team around him. We 
already signed to 3 year ext." 

Cromartie, who - in the play - 
fathers "seven children by six women 
in five states," remains critical of the 
Tebow throughout the sixteen-act 
performance. 

However, rarely does he read 
his lines well, often erroneously 
pluralizing the number of wins the 
Jets have during the season and 
forgetting several of his children's 
names. 



More familial relations and poor 
acting pervade the play, especially 
in the scene where John Elway, 
Tebows former boss, speaks about 
the separation of the Church of 
Tebow from the State of Colorado. 

"You hate some decisions you 
have to make in football. But that 
doesn't prevent you from making 
them," Elway says, referring to 
replacing Tebow with the almost- 
Titan Peyton Manning. "You do 
what's best for your team. But that 
doesn't take away the heartache. 
You're dealing with human beings. It 
hurts." 

No audience would believe that. 

Elway, however, continues the 
break-up speech with stale vigor: 
"Tim Tebow is a great kid. If I want 
someone to marry my daughter, it 
would be him." 

"Tebowmania, Part Deux" does 
experience some highs, however 
- even after leaving the Mile-High 
City. Tebows fervent fan base is - 
literally - religious. The group of 
actors who portray the "Tebowites" 
is the one team that actually earns 
their paychecks (ironically, none 
of those actors were paid. In fact, 



they paid to be in the play) giving 
emphatic, earnest performances that 
are Tony- or at least player-of-the- 
week-worthy. 

Kaycee Robertson plays a 
"Lutheran student ministry director 
from Minneapolis" who serenades 
the quarterback via You Tube in her 
self-produced song, "Marry Me, Tim 
Tebow." Two of her eight roommates 
(played by Jennifer Lind and Jill 
Miller) sing backup as Robertson 
croons, "I glanced, and saw that you 
don t have a wedding ring." Later, she 
announces her undying - and for most 
of the play, unrequited - love for Tebow 
stating, "he's easy on the eyes." 

In another scene of "Tebow-love," 
written by Mark Long, lifelong 
Tebow-fan Mike Beattie is queried 
by his wife about the change in teams. 
Upon hearing the news that Tim is 
traded to New York, Beattie's wife 
asks, "Do we have to start rooting for 
the Jets?" 

"I guess so," responds Beattie. 

Shows run throughout the fall 
and winter. Jeremy Lin makes a guest 
performance on Sept. 30. 



P. OBISMOL 



lavie(S)lvc.edu 



Boy band reunites for tour 





Squeegee Beckenheim '15 

Staff Writer 

Let's be honest: we all miss 
*NSYNC. There's no point trying 
to deny such a blatantly obvious 
guilty pleasure. Even if it's only for 
nostalgic reasons, whenever "Bye 
Bye Bye" blasts out of the speakers, 
it's impossible to fight the urge to 
dance. Fortunately, all those sleep- 
less nights spent longing for just 
one more single will no longer be. 
After ten years of silence, *NSYNC 
has finally announced a reunion 
tour, which will be launched at 
LVC'sValleyFest. 

The decade-long hiatus left die- 
hard fans stumbling through life 
with no reason left to live. Music 
lost all meaning without heart 
throbs like Justin Timberlake and 



Lance Bass. Once Bass confirmed 
rumors that the group had offi- 
cially disbanded in 2007, it seemed 
that all hope was lost. However, in 
mid-February, *NSYNC revealed 
that they were planning a reunion 
tour for this spring. When the Val- 
leyFest committee heard the news, 
they immediately contacted the 
band's manager, even though it 
seemed like a long shot. As it turns 
out, an anonymous member of the 
committee is related to Joey Fatone. 

Beginning the reunion tour at 
LVC seemed like a gradual way 
for *NSYNC to assimilate back 
into the music industry. Of course, 
ValleyFest will draw a huge crowd 
this year because *NSYNC was 
so popular during the late '90s to 
early '00s. According to their man- 
ager, the band plans to perform all 



of their hits like "Tearing Up My 
Heart," "It's Gonna Be Me," and 
"This I Promise You." Aside from 
the chart-topping singles, the group 
is working on some new songs that 
they intend to perform for the first 
time at ValleyFest. 

When asked how she feels 
about the performance, freshman 
Jennie Upton remarked, "I'm pretty 
excited about it. *NSYNC was one 
of my favorite bands when I was 
a kid." Most LVC students, espe- 
cially the girls, feel the same way 
because *NSYNC was such a big 
part of their childhood. 

Frosted tips and boy bands may 
be out of style, but that doesn't 
mean *NSYNC can't make a full 
recovery as a respected facet of to- 
day's music industry. 



S. BECKENHEIM 



lavie(S)lvc.edu 



6 Luh Vee Colleegieann March 28, 2012 



Perspectives 



Letters to the Editor 

La Vie Collegienne requires all 
Letters to the Editor to contain the 
authors name, telephone number, 
and e-mail address. No initials or pen 
names will be accepted. La Vie does 
not publish any anonymous letters. 

Telephone numbers and email ad- 
dresses are required for verification. 
They will not be printed. 

Letters should be no longer than 
200 words. All letters for submission 
become property of La Vie Collegi- 
enne. La Vie reserves the right to edit 
for length, accuracy, and clarity. Sub- 
missions may be edited and may be 
published or otherwise refused. 

Letters, columns, and opinion- 
based articles do not necessarily rep- 
resent the views of La Vie or Lebanon 
Valley College. 

Submissions may be e-mailed to 
lavie(S)lvc.edu, hand-delivered to our 
Mund office, submitted to lavieonline. 
lvc.edu or mailed to the address 
below. 

La Vie Collegienne 

ATTN: La Vie Editors 

101 N. College Ave. 

Annville, PA 17003 



Advertise with 

Ha Viz 

Recruit for your student orga- 
nization. Sell your old junk ... 
or that ugly sweater from your 

grandmother. Say hi to your 
lover, (maybe not that last part) 

laviebusiness@lvc.edu 



Ha Viz CoIIegtenne 

101 N. College Ave | Annville, PA 17003 
Campus Extension 6169 or lavie(S)lvc.edu 

Established 1924 



Winner of two 
Pennsylvania Newspaper 
Association 2012 Keystone Press 
Awards 

CO-EDITORS 

Rosemary Bucher '14 
Justin Roth '14 

FEATURES EDITOR 

NickiShepski'15 

A&E EDITOR 

Sarah Marino '14 

PERSPECTIVES EDITOR 

Now Accepting Applications 

SPORTS EDITOR 

Dan Callahan '14 

SENIOR COPY EDITOR 

Alyssa Sweigart '12 

CIRCULATION MANAGER 

Sarah Frank '14 

BUSINESS MANAGER 

Eliott Bonds '14 

CORRESPONDANCE MANAGER 

Now Accepting Applications 

ADVISER 

Robert E. Vucic 



Lindsay s (inner) Voices: 

What do you want to do with your life? 




"I don t even know how to 
take a break, because I go crazy. 
I just sit in a room and I don t 
know what to do. I went to the 
Metropolitan Museum and 
just sat there. But they didn t 
take any pictures of that, which 
sucks, because that would have 
been more interesting than 
pictures of me coming out of 
a club." 



"I wanted to do what 
Marilyn Monroe did (during 
the Korean War), when 
she went and just set up a 
stage and did a concert for 
the troops all by herself. It s 
so amazing seeing that one 
woman just going somewhere, 
this beautiful sex kitten, who s 
basically a pinup, which is 
what I've always aspired to be." 




"Marriage is a big deal, but "I want to go to Egypt and 
whos to say I'm not going to Japan and open orphanages- 
pull a 'Vegas' and get married ~a chain of them." 
just to get married and see 
what it s like for a minute?" 



Compiled by 
Prove A. Lonechize lavie(a) lvc.edu 



Opinionated- 

StudentSj staff combat 'grade creep 



Be a Range* 13 

Staff Writer 
For those students with 
scholarships and athletics on 
their minds, grades are extremely 
important. In order to be able to 
participate they must keep their 
grades up and so the fact that 
Lebanon Valley Colleges student 
grades are higher than average 
is a positive thing. However, 
President MacDonald and 
other administrators have raised 
concerns that perhaps the reason 
student grades are so high is that 
test questions are too easy or that 
professors are too easily giving 
out higher grades and extra credit 
and the negative effects that can 
have. Their fear is that as "grade 
creep" continues to grow, more 
and more under-qualified students 



will graduate and be unable to find 
a job, or worse yet, be unable to 
perform in their chosen field. 

Professor John Gibble, an 
Adjunct Instructor of Sociology, 
in response to this dilemma, has 
developed as system in which 
grades will be assigned in order 
to better reflect the real world. In 
a perfect world, the grades would 
follow a perfect Bell Curve with 
ten percent achieving a grade of F, 
twenty percent achieving a grade of 
D, forty percent C, twenty percent 
B and ten percent A. However, 
with the present system forty-five 
percent of grades fall in the B -range, 
skewing the curve higher than 
average. In the proposed system, 
the top fifteen percent of the class 
will receive an A, regardless of their 
actual percentage, the next eleven 



percent will receive a B, the next 
twenty percent will receive a C, the 
next twenty-five, a D and an entire 
twenty-nine percent will receive 
an F regardless of their actual 
percent correct. "In this way, the 
grade curve will better reflect the 
way that wages in the real world 
work." states Gibble in defense 
of his proposal, "It is sad but true 
that a very small number of people 
control a very large amount of 
money, while the majority of 
people are just struggling to meet a 
certain standard of living." 

This idea has been proposed 
to the President of the College 
who has said only that he will 
"consider it most carefully." But 
many students who have heard 
of this idea are outraged. "This 
is not fair!" says one anonymous 



student, "Our grades should be 
based on our own personal merit, 
not on how we compare to our 
fellow students." Whether or not 
this proposal makes any kind of 
sense it is already meeting with a 
large amount of opposition and 
disapproval. If this idea is accepted 
it would be set up so that it can go 
into effect at the beginning of next 
school year but even if it is not 
accepted now, it is not completely 
off the table. One administrator 
noted that, "It certainly does have 
some good points, I mean the real 
world is all about competition. But 
my problem with it is that while 
these students may always be in 
a situation where competition is 
necessary, it may not necessarily be 
against each other." 

B. RANGE lavie(o)lvc.edu 



La Vie Collegienne is published every 
Wednesday of the academic year. 

Meetings are held Mondays at 5: 15 
p.m. in our Mund office, activities 
room #3. Were always looking for 
new writers! 



Luh Vee Cqlleegieann March 28, 2012 7 





BOUNTIES Ethan Grodzinski plays his match before injuring the opposing player 



GoDutchmen.com 



Tennis team employs possible 
bounty program 



John Deere 

Sports Editor 

An investigation has been 
launched at Lebanon Valley 
College ; surfacing around the 
men's tennis team. 

From what it looks like, the 
New Orleans Saints weren't 
the only team to have a bounty 
program in place. 

After the men's tennis team 
romped King's in their St. 
Patrick's Day match up, many 
spectators and officials were 
disgusted by the style of play 
the men exhibited. There 
were racquets being thrown, 
insults being shouted, and even 
different types of balls being 
used. 

Roger Van Scyoc, a senior 
tennis player, admitted to these 
allegations validity. 

"Our head coach is a Saints 
fan, and after hearing what 
they did to intentionally hurt 
players for cash rewards, he 
thought it could be beneficial to 
our season as well," stated Van 
Scyoc after a recent match. "We 



had a pretty good system going, 
but all good things must come 
to an end, right?" 

After further investigation, 
players have admitted 
to be receiving plenty of 
accommodations for being 
apart of this program. Rewards 
for showing unsporting like 
conduct include extra credit in 
general education classes, a cut 
in tuition, and free subs at the 
Dutchmen Den. 

Head coach Dave Remsburg 
has been suspended indefinitely. 
In a statement he released, he 
said, "I am truly sorry for the 
players careers and feelings that 
myself and my players have hurt, 
and the athletics department 
will be glad to pay any medical 
bills." 

In their match against 
King's, doubles partners Ethan 
Grodzinski and Van Scyoc 
teamed up to take out their 
opponents. 

"After they scored their first 
point, I just threw my racquet at 
them as hard as possible," said 
Grodzinski. "It hit him right in 



the kneecap. It's not something 
I'd normally do, but I had to do 
what I had to do." 

Van Scyoc also wanted to get 
in on the action, and did so by 
using an illegal playing ball. 

Midway through the match, 
Van Scyoc sneakily pulled a 
golf ball out of his pocket and 
served it instead of a tennis ball. 
After nailing his opponent in 
the forehead, King's was unable 
to continue and LVC received a 
forfeited win. 

It is uncertain whether 
Remsburg will return as coach 
next season, but one thing is 
for certain: If the New Orleans 
Saints inspired one college 
tennis team to have a bounty 
program, what's their to say 
other teams don't have one 
either? 



J. DEERE 



lavie(o)lvc.edu 



Annual football 
game against rival 
Albright moved to 
neutral site 



Sara- Ann Wrap 

Staff Writer 

A major announcement has 
recently been made through 
a joint press conference by 
Lebanon Valley College and 
Albright College's athletic 
departments. From now until a 
new determination is made, the 
annual football games between 
the institutions will be played at 
a neutral site. This is as opposed 
to the alternating home games 
between the two schools. 

The issue to spur this change 
has been the increasing hostility 
between the two college's fans 
at the annual football games. A 
spokesperson from the athletic 
department stated, "Every 
sequential year for some time, 
hostilities and incidents between 
our two crowds increased and 
has now reached an unacceptable 
level," the spokesperson said. 
"We are academic institutions 
that try to promote unity and 
community, so we (LVC and 
Albright) both felt that while 
sacrificing the annual games was 
going too far, it would be best 
for all involved if the games were 
moved to a natural site to tone 
feelings down." 

Recent examples from past 
games which prompted the 
neutral site implementation 
were foul signs from both sides, 
curses words and explicit chants, 
shoving matches between rival 
students, and a beer bottle being 
broken over a spectators head at 
last year's game. Officials feared 
that the current trend would 
continue until someone required 
serious medical attention after a 
brawl and the schools would have 
to stop the annual game. Also, 
the fear was that since players 
many times feed off of the fan 
atmosphere, the unsportsmanlike 
qualities in the stands would 
creep onto the football field. 



Unfortunately, this development 
is not new in the world of sports 
rivalries. This past year, two 
crosstown rivals, Xavier and 
Cincinnati, were involved in a 
late game brawl where punches 
and kicks were thrown. That 
incident resulted in numerous 
suspensions for players on both 
teams. The head coach from 
Cincinnati even remarked if some 
players would ever return to the 
team or if even he would have a 
job in the next impending days. 
Another infamous moment in 
sports rivalries is when a Giant's 
fan was attacked after a game 
by rival Dodger fans and almost 
beaten to death. The man went 
into a coma, and is now currently 
in physical rehabilitation. 

For next year, the annual 
game will be played at Franklin 
& Marshall College's football 
field located in Lancaster. The 
site is 25 miles (approximately a 
48 minute drive) from Lebanon 
Valley College and 36.5 miles 
(approximately a 42 minute 
drive) from Albright College. 
The site of Franklin and Marshall 
was chosen since it was arguably 
the most fair in terms of travel 
between the two schools. Other 
historic collegiate rivalries 
have been played at neutral site 
stadiums with much success 
such as Florida-Georgia and 
Army-Navy. The belief is by both 
schools is that the rivalry could 
uphold such a distinction and 
actually enhance the game from 
both college's trying to outdo 
one another by bringing a larger 
crowd. 

The 2013 football game site is 
still to be determined but hopes 
are from both colleges is that 
the site of Franklin and Marshall 
proves to be a destination to 
return to in the future. 



S.WRAP lavie(o)lvc.edu 



8 La Vie Collegienne March 28, 2012 



New; 



Student Government Updates 3.26.12 



Nick Thrailkill '14 

Staff Writer 

On March 26, Student Gov- 
ernment convened for its ninth 
meeting of the semester to meet 
with Vice-President Greg Kriko- 
rian about campus issues and 
updates^ vote on full club status 
for French Club and probation- 
ary club status for Paintball Club, 
and discuss plans for the store- 
front of Annville, nominations for 
SG elections, the Middle States 
Re-Accreditation Board results, 
issues with the sidewalk near Nei- 
dig-Garber, and Cystic Fibrosis 
sign-ups. 

Vice-President Krikorian be- 
gan the meeting by congratulating 
SG for this work during Dutch- 
man Day, and SG President Ryan 
Humphries says that he will be 
available to talk to students who 
raised concerns about the sched- 
uling of Dutchman Day. Kriko- 
rian also asked SG members to 



review the pilot program for spe- 
cial parking for student teachers 
and interns to decide whether to 
renew it in the fall. 

Krikorian said that he and Fa- 
cilities would need to raise extra 
funds to add lights to the new As- 
troturf field outside Mund. Kriko- 
rian and SG members also dis- 
cussed the possibility of installing 
new tennis courts and an outdoor 
basketball court. 

French Club presented for full 
club status at Monday s meeting, 
and SG granted them full club sta- 
tus. Paintball Club presented for 
probationary club status, and SG 
granted them probationary club 
status. 

Humphries mentioned that 
LVC is currently helping An- 
nville Township to renovate the 
storefront of Annville with shops 
and boutiques through a five-year 
grant. 

SG Advisor Jen Evans said that 
a table for nominations for SG 



elections will be set up in Mund 
for lunch and dinner today and 
Thursday and for lunch Friday. 
SG Advisor Todd Snovel also said 
that the Middle States Re-Accred- 
itation Board had completed its 
survey of LVC, and made some 
suggestions for improvement in 
some areas that were reviewed. 

SG s service project with HAC s 
SG, the matinee of The Princess 
Bride at the Allen Theater on April 
28th, will take place at 11:30 a.m. 
instead of 1:30 p.m. 

Accessibility Task Force Chair 
Roberto Valdes said that he would 
discuss a concern about the side- 
walk near Neidig-Garber with Se- 
nior Director of Facilities Manage- 
ment Donald Santostefano. 

The sign-ups for Cystic Fibrosis 
began in the Mund lobby Monday 
and will continue for the rest of 
this week and into next week. 



N. THRAILKILL 



nat001(o)lvc.edu 



DUTCHMAN DAY 2012 



Justin Roth '14/ LA VIE 



CRIMEWATCH 



All information courtesy of the LVC Department of Public Safety 

********************************************** 



3-24-12 | Quad 

Disturbance 

3-25-12 | Mund 

Fire Alarm 

Fog machine triggered alarm 

3-26-12 | Mund 

Fire Alarm 

3-27-12 | Red Lot -West 

Incident 

Minor damage to bottom of vehicle 



Please report any suspicious activity to Public Safety at x61 11. 




Corrections & Clarifications 

It is our continuing goal to provide readers with complete and ac- 
curate information. To that end, we welcome and encourage noti- 
fication of any mistakes. Readers who wish to submit corrections 
should send an email to lavie(o)lvc.edu, subject line: Corrections. 



Happy April 
Fools' Day! 



We hope you 
enjoyed payes 1-7 



Rosemary & Justin